Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing here. The question has so many different paths of reasoning. "What am I doing here?" Or, "What am I doing here?" Or even, "What am I doing here?" While I don't necessarily know why I am here doing what I'm doing, I do know what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to build a ministry. But God ever so gently reminds me that it is not up to me to build it, but to trust in Him. Then I go back to the sermon message a few weeks ago, where we were reminded that God probably isn't going to give us more to do, if we haven't already done what he's previously asked of us. I wanted to go back to school, but didn't feel like I should take the loans to do it. So I found a free study, with pretty much the same curriculum, but no degree. I know that I need the knowledge more than the degree, yet I haven't even completed one assignment. This type of study, where you work at your own pace, is a real stretch for me. I prefer the plans all laid out and and the due dates assigned. But I know this is something God is asking me to complete.

I also met an amazing woman with a speaking ministry a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned us perhaps speaking together. What an opportunity! Yet, I haven't followed up on it. So what am I doing here? Paul had the same problem at times, Romans 7:16 says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I want to let God use me to speak to others about how we can experience His grace, His strength and His courage. But so often I waste the time I should be using for that purpose, or I find I truly need the lesson for myself that day. I need to continually remind myself of Philippians 3:13 and forget[ting] what lies behind [me] (and the mistakes I've made trying to get where He wants me to be) and strain[ing] forward to what lies ahead.

I am so thankful that the faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. His faithfulness is great; and His mercies begin a fresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

HIS in Service (and I can't do it on my own),