I am restless. Ron and I talked about it on our ride to work this morning. There is no reason in particular, but I just don’t feel like anything I do matters, I guess. And that’s not meant to be a “poor me” statement, it’s an introspective, “what am I personally doing toward change?” statement.
So anyway, we talked about it, and I threw out the “120 months 1 week and 5 days until I can retire,” comment. But then what? I feel like there’s a change coming and I’m restless for it, so I want to be doing something to get it here faster. After dropping him off, as I’ve been doing semi regularly, I started listening to 1 Samuel, today started with chapter 13. And, because our God is like that, it was just what I needed to hear.
1 Samuel 13:8-14 reads “8 He waited seven days, the time appointed by Samuel. But Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and the people were scattering from him. 9 So Saul said, “Bring the burnt offering here to me, and the peace offerings.” And he offered the burnt offering. 10 As soon as he had finished offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came. And Saul went out to meet him and greet him. 11 Samuel said, “What have you done?” And Saul said, “When I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines had mustered at Michmash, 12 I said, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the favor of the LORD.’ So I forced myself, and offered the burnt offering.” 13 And Samuel said to Saul, “You have done foolishly. You have not kept the command of the LORD your God, with which he commanded you. For then the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. 14 But now your kingdom shall not continue. The LORD has sought out a man after his own heart, and the LORD has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you.”
Did you see that? Did you see where Saul got restless and a little bit afraid, so he decided it would be better to “force” himself on the Lord instead of wait upon the Lord. For Saul, this decision cost him the kingdom. Isn’t it just like me to rush things and try to do things my own way, in my timing, instead of waiting for Him and his timing? Jeremiah 29:11, everyone knows this one, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…” Why isn’t this enough for me? Why do I feel restless even when I know I am walking in His will? And that He knows the end result and I can trust in that? And sometimes, believe it or not, I am disobedient when He requires something of me that I don’t feel like doing or giving, yet I still expect Him to move, and in my timing, please.
Thank you Lord for your reminder this morning. Teach me to wait. Teach me to be obedient even when I can’t see the end result, when I am afraid, or when I am just plain tired of waiting. I know your plans are bigger than anything I could ask or imagine, because Your word tells me so. Remind me of this when I need reminding. May I never force my offering to you out of restlessness, but instead may I find peace in the waiting. Amen
May you, too, find peace in your waiting.
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